Family Owned, Family Operated, Family Focused

Funeral Etiquette

Do I need to be invited to a funeral or can anyone go?

Anyone can go. A funeral service is open to anyone, unless the family requests that it is a private ceremony.

Do I have to wear black?

No, wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate for relatives and friends. Most people choose formal clothes like a suit, and men normally wear a tie.

Can children go to a funeral?

Yes, but toddlers and babies can be disruptive, especially if it’s a long service. You can take older children if they want to go. It’s a good idea to prepare them beforehand so they know what to expect.

Who travels with the funeral procession?

When the funeral ceremony and the burial are both held within the local area, it is appropriate for friends and relatives to accompany the family to the cemetery.

How can I help?

You can offer friendship and someone to talk to at a time when they need it most. There is often the assumption that family grief is private and that you may be intruding. But many people live far away from their family and would appreciate your help with practical things like preparing a meal or taking children to school.

What should I say?

No matter what your means of expressing your sympathy, it is important to clearly identify yourself to the family. In addition to expressing sympathy it is appropriate, if desired, to relate to family members your fond memories of the deceased. In some cases family members may simply want you to be a good listener to their expressions of grief or memories of the deceased. In most circumstances it is not appropriate to inquire as to the cause of death. When in person, sympathy should be expressed by clasping hands, an embrace, or a simple statement of condolence like: “My sympathy to you,” “It was good to know John,” “John was a fine person and friend. He will be missed,” “My sympathy to you and your mother.”

Do I send flowers or gifts?

It is completely up to you and depends on the closeness of your relationship with the family or the deceased. You can send flowers to the funeral home prior to the funeral, or to the family residence at any time. Florists know what is appropriate to send in the funeral context. Gifts in memory of the deceased are often made, particularly when the family has requested gifts in lieu of flowers. The family is notified of the gifts by personal note from the charity or other organization. Even if you don’t make a gift, a note or card to the deceased’s family expressing your thoughts of the deceased is a welcome gesture, especially if you weren’t able to attend the funeral.

How can I help my friend?

One of the best ways you can help your friend is to allow them to feel what they want to feel. They may feel anger, guilt or fear. Let them talk these feelings through with you — don’t try to stop them because you think they are irrational.

What happens at the cemetery?

The casket is normally placed beside the grave, prior to when all the mourners gather at the gravesite. People then gather around the casket to listen to the rites of burial given by the clergy. Following the clergy's remarks, family members may place a flower on the casket. In many cases the funeral director will provide flowers for each mourner. They should follow the family in placing flowers.

Do I approach the casket? If so, what do I do?

The decision of whether or not to approach the casket is a very individual one. It is not required or considered rude if you decide against it. Many people find that viewing the deceased helps you to accept the loss and move on. If you decide to approach the casket, use that time to say your good-byes and pay your respects. Keep in mind that there are often long lines to follow and everyone deserves their moment with the deceased.

What do I do when I arrive at the service?

When you arrive, quietly take a seat if the service is being held in a church or chapel. The first few rows are usually reserved for the immediate family and the casket bearers. There may be an opportunity during the service for you to share some words about the deceased. If the ceremony is being held at the interment site, seating is usually only available for the immediate family.

How often should I stay in touch?

Remember that grief doesn't go away in a few short weeks. Even one year may not be long enough to adjust to changes in your life. So, a friend who calls in 3, 6, or 12 months time may be one of the few who still asks how things are going. Special days like birthdays or Christmas may be just the time to pick up the phone and say, "I was thinking of you today."

What people are saying...

I found your staffto be extremely conscientious and willing to go the extra distance to meet the needs of their clients. They were very accommodating in helping me to find the perfect resting place for George, and for myself when that day comes. It was with much patience that theyintroduced me to Fairfax Memorial Park and it is thanks to them that I can now take comfort in knowing that George is at peace in the Garden of Time surrounded by the beauty of the site. I look forward to working with them in the coming days to choose a proper memorial to mark our plots.

"Amy is one of those special persons that the world needs more of. She is professional and caring. When we were making plans through the cemetery, she was always helpful and supportive. We know she treated us as she would one of her own family. That caring attitude meant everything to our family. Please accept my appreciation for the services provided to my family and the treatment we were accorded at Fairfax Memorial Park."

"I was greeted by Amy's welcoming smile and warm handshake. From the day I came to make arrangements all the way through the subsequent months while she assisted me,she has been extraordinarily helpful, very organized, and very friendly-always returning my calls promptly and taking care of every detail meticulously."

"On behalf of my Dad, my sisters & brothers, I would like to thank you again for taking the time to help us with choosing the grave-marker for my mom and for answering all our questions. Your help has brought us much comfort at this sad time."

"Many thanks for your help. It's my great pleasure to get to know you and working with you. May God bless you for your goodness and kindness."

"James and I want to thank you for the kindness that you took the time to show and patience while choosing our burial property. We truly thank God for you and all that you did."

"You have been a special place in my heart and prayers."

"My husband was very ill and is now at peace thanks to you. Also, a very special "thank you" to both men, who prepared the ground for his burial."

"Thank you so much for your guidance and comforting in working with me to plan my husband's arrangements. It is a terribly sad time for my family and I but it's comforting to talk to such kind people."

"I want to thank you from the very bottom of my heart for your kindness and compassion you showed to me when I met with you to talk about and order my mom's cemetery site."

"You are very good at what you do, and I feel that it must feel so good to know how much you help and comfort all those you come in contact with.
Thank you again."

"I just had to thank you for taking such wonderful care of all of us when we had the interment of my father. Your personal touch made such a difference and that meant so much to us.
Thank you again, so very much."

"I am writing to acknowledge the excellent service that Kylie has provided over the last several weeks."

"Being able to finalize the decisions and feel fully comfortable with them was an amazing relief. Kylie played such a significant role in helping me and allowing me to do so and I greatly appreciate all of her help, patience and thoughtfulness. She was equally adept when I brought my father in to select and design the memorial marker. In fact, Kylie so well represented Fairfax Memorial Park that based on her level of service and the high degree of care evident among the grounds, I decided to "pre-need" purchases two additional plots next to my parents' site."

"Thank you for making one of the most difficult experiences in life one that came with such ease and peace of mind."

"On behalf of my family, I wanted to thank you for your kindness and help in arranging the interment of my sister. Everything was beautiful, she surely must love the beauty of Fairfax Memorial Park, and my brother-in-law is grateful for the ease in which everything was carried out at such difficult time."

"Thank you so much for your patience and kindness in working with me to order a marker for my husband. I know that it has been a long time coming, but the sudden and unexpected death of my husband was a very difficult event for me to accept."

"Thank you very much for the way you handled my father's funeral service. Although it was simple and short it was meaningful to me. You are professional and caring in dealing with the family member. Thank you for your consideration at a sad time."

"Thank you so much for your special attention to the arrangements for my husband. Your thoughtful care was truly appreciated."

"I want to thank you for all your invaluable help in guiding me through the process of bringing my mother to rest in the way that was most satisfactory to my heart."

"By patiently explaining all the options I could explore, I was able to reach a decision of what I wanted for my mom who was precious beyond my words. It took a good amount of work on your part as all the arrangements were made to perfection. Thank you so very much. Her name plaque is beautiful and exactly what I wanted because it describes her. Finally, thank you for your patience in not hurrying us out of the cemetery. It was difficult to leave. I am very grateful to you."

"I want to thank you personally and on behalf of my mother, brothers and sisters for sensitivity and understanding you gave my mother during the difficult process of her choosing and then finalizing a burial site for my father. It was very cold and the snow had the hard layer of ice on it as you walked my mother, brother and me to different sites. You were exceptional in your willingness to show my mother all her options and to mark the ones she thought she would like and have them cleared the next day when she came back with my siblings to finalize the arrangements."

"Again I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help."

"Thank you for your support and help in making the grave selection process so easy for our daughter. Your guidance and support helped us through this difficult time."

"You probably don't know this but all that came to the graveside service mentioned, "...how pleased they were to see you standing on the hillside waiting for the family to depart and keep watch." It made everyone feel like Mom was not alone. I saw a beautiful pink urn shining in the cool fall sun, standing proudly and not alone! Thank you, for your special touch. It was noted and deeply appreciated by all the family!"

"I would like to thank you for all your help both professional and personal in the handling of the service and taking the time for us while we looked for the perfect place to have a burial as well as the special memorial."

"It takes a very special, kind, dedicated, understanding and professional person to accomplish such a task. This I thank you for. We consider you a great asset to the Fairfax Memorial Park and also a friend to us."

"Thank you for your kindness and professionalism during a difficult time. I will never forget your help at a crucial time."

"Thank you so much for the care that you provided during my family's painful period. Please also extend this Thank You to the staff who assisted with the service. It is very comforting to know there are people who cared and made things just a little easier to cope."

"The kindness you have given me is beyond words of gratitude. I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart. It is difficult enough to lose a family member, but when you don't even know the remembrance on the headstone, it increases the sadness. This will help to bring closure."

"Thank you so much for all that you have done for me and my entire family regarding all arrangements for Susan. You are a true professional, as well as a sincere and caring person."

"We appreciate your professional and caring attention for the funeral of my mother. Everything was handled very well, and we were pleased with your preparation at the gravesite."

"Please don't feel that you have been forgotten over the past three months. Your professionalism and thoughtfulness during our time of extreme grief was to say, at the very least, top notch. Your help, consideration, direction, and compassion you showed towards my Mother and Father will never be forgotten. Although I realize this may be just another day at the office for you, your genuine concern helped us cope, as easily as possible, during this time of tragedy. For that, we will be forever grateful."